Like A Fish Out of Water

I am an asthmatic.

It started when I was in middle school running track and field. 

It hasn't stopped.

I need to take a daily maintenance inhaler  every morning. 

It costs a decent amount of money every month. However, I am not in the hospital with every illness so it saves me over time. 

I ask take a rescue inhaler. Only when needed, but often you will see me fifteen minutes before a run taking a puff to prep my lungs. 

I have been working hard lately to better my body. Not just lose weight. Be stronger, run farther, plank longer, strengthen my core, and ultimately put only good things into my body. 

Every morning Steve and I have a protein shake. 

And we eat veggies and chicken sausage  and drink a gallon of water a day. 

We still will order takeout, but it is sushi, avocado and cucumber salad. and burrito bowls with no burrito shell. 

We run. He runs more than I do, but we run. Tonight we ran together, and did these crazy strength things in between each quarter mile. 

I ran in an obstacle course race on Saturday. And truly walked a lot, but ran harder and further than I had been and I didn't take my inhaler before hand. My running partner had to keep stopping and walking with me. I felt awful that she had to stop for me. This runner who could have done this race in 45 minutes spent an hour and a half on the course because she wasn't leaving me behind. 

I don't  want to be the anchor.

I don't want to quit.

I want to be better.

I cannot get rid of asthma. 

Asthma cannot define me. 

So I run every week.

I train every day. 

I count my calories, 

I spend time being better.

And I have noticed that as I have gone from 225 pounds to 207 pounds, my rescue inhaler is less necessary. 

I do not need it during a run. 

I need to strengthen my lung for endurance, but running is not causing me asthma attacks, anxiety about having an asthma attack, but not an asthma attack. 

And so,

Like a fish out of water,

I am learning to breathe and exercise differently than what I "thought I could do. I am pushing myself out of my comfort box. And I am going. 

I apologize to those that feel they need to hold back and stay with me, however, you are helping me in ways you could never realize. The moms from track, my running partner and her super fit self and super fit friends, and my husband. Even though I yell when he tells me how to do something, I am learning that he cares! 

Cheers to you in your workout, your life, and whatever is hid g you back! Chuck it in the "f@#£ it bucket" and get going! 

Love to you! 

How do you better yourself when you hit a wall?

Week 8- A Friend I...

So this week I write about a friend.

I have a few friends I could have written about, but I want to write about a friend I miss. A friend who has known me since my boys were young, even before one was born. She has been there for a lot. She probably knows all of my secrets, even the ones you never want anyone to know. I trust her to guard them, and I know she trusts me as well.

This woman took me in when I needed to be protected ( not physically but emotionally) and she has helped me through so much!  I am talking about Amy.

Always has a smile!

She was my boss when I worked for Lifetouch in Target. In all honesty, we just clicked. 

She understood me, and I understood her. She made something that had been a hobby for me to become a passion. she inspired me to be more than just a photographer. she inspired me to believe in myself. without her, I never would have believed I could do this: 

Or even have a day where I said this:

She is the type of friend where I can not see her for months and when we get back together it is like we were never apart. Together, we have photographed babies, weddings, and fathers & mothers going off to war who wanted one last memories with and for their children (just in case). We have taken first photos, and last family photos. We have created birth announcements, Christmas cards, Chanukah cards, and even valentines day and Easter cards.   We have helped families with children with disabilities get the photos they never thought they could of their children. we have pulled our hair out trying to get that one perfect photo for that one mom (and often, I am that one mom).  I feel like what we do together is so important because of that. 

From our digital conversion.

I am no longer working at the studio with her, but I am still friends with her. Yay! 

Crazy pictures we took so many years ago!

We text and talk. We message. We listen. We forgive. And she is the only person to ever dress my boys in dresses!

This is Logan at about 2 in one of Amy's daughters nightgowns!

Ok well, a nightgown, and hair and makeup. but she loves these boys like they were hers. and she has fun with them like they were hers!

We go out for walks, and go to trampoline parks, and just plain have a blast together, but we also can be really serious together as well.

This picture is the result of the first time we met. I wanted to do Photos for Steve for Father's day, and I stopped by the studio. Amy was working. I was in my maternity yoga pants that I wore all the time, and a tank top. The boys were in mismatched shades of green. She said, "OK, do you want to schedule an appointment so you could plan their outfits?" I said, "no, these look OK, we can just take pictures like this." She and I still laugh about that moment. She brought my boys in the studio, pulled their shirts off, and did some shirtless brother photos, so cute by the way.

 Then, she had me stand there, and she rolled my pant legs up. The next thing I knew I was "in" the pictures, and before I knew it, I was IN the pictures:

By the time I left the studio, I had amazing pictures, and a part time job, and little did I know it, But I also had a friendship. 

The next session was much better...

This picture of these boys is still my favorite to this date, and I cannot believe that I only have it in hard form, and a thumbnail digital copy.

 I even felt better about being in these pictures.

That is what Amy's friendship has done for me.
It has helped me to be a better me. She has helped me discover things about myself I would have never believed. I am so grateful for her support, her love, and her willingness to drive from the southernmost part of RI to Cranston to watch me sing in a concert,

 or to meet me in East Providence to go to a trampoline park,

or to meet me at Edaville Railroad on a rainy winter night,

 just so we can spend time together. She is always there. Even when we have had our issues, we have always found our way through them, and I am so grateful for that!

We may not be a team at the studio anymore, but I will never forget the lesson I learned there! I will also always be thankful for the friendship!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stop by www.aisforadelaide.com and see more posts about friendships! Or join in the challenge! 

Blue to you!

Today is autism awareness day.
I know that if you are reading this, you probably know that.
If you did not know that, that is why so many people are wearing the color blue today.
What you may to know is that our family has been through the autism roller coaster, and we are in line for another ride.

When our oldest Caleb was born, he was a joy. He liked puzzles, and shapes and colors, and he talked like any other child.

By between eighteen months and two years, Caleb stopped talking. He would point, and use animal noises, but most of his talking was not understandable. He did not care to communicate.

I talked to his pediatrician, and her advice was to give him time, maybe it was normal. Well, I fought that pediatrician for two years, and she "gave in" and gave us a referral to the neurodevelopment center at our children's hospital.

After the slew of evaluations, it was decided that Caleb had something called sensory integration disorder. (SID) sensory integration disorder or dysfunction is when the sensory input your body receives is not processed appropriately. Imagine that your nerve sensitivity in your skin is turned up 1000 times. Everything that you touch, smell, taste, and hear is amplified, and it makes it unpleasant to say the least. Well, there is therapy to try to teach your body to respond appropriately to that input, however, insurance does not cover it for more than so many appointments a year ( far fewer than Caleb needed). So, I talked with his therapist, and I learned how to help him. Sensory integration disorder in and of itself is not a diagnosis on the autism spectrum, however, many children who have or develop autism have sensory integration issues.
This made insurance hard, because without an autism diagnosis, he did not qualify for a lot of services. I never wanted a diagnosis, I just wanted my child to be able to function in society, and the family.

With a lot of work, Caleb progressed nicely, and honestly, I realized how important therapy can be for any child. I wished he could have continued with therapy, however, he couldn't and we work with that.

Well, fast forward to today, we are going through a re-evaluation for Caleb. I will not get into the specifics right now, Because I do not feel comfortable, but I will say, I have had my day of tears over it, and we as a family are moving forward.

If you ever wonder about your child's behaviors, diagnosis, or progression/regression in their development, do not hesitate to talk to your pediatrician, and if they do not seem receptive to your concerns, take the time to document what you see, be reasonable, do not scare yourself with Internet searches. Find a doctor that is well respected, and get a second opinion.

You and only you can be your child's advocate, and you are the best advocate your child will ever have.

If your children are "typical" and there is an opportunity, please, teach your child that just because a child is "different" from them, it does not make them less of a person.
My child is teased daily, because he is nice and naive, and I am grateful he has one good friend, but it still kills me that he has to learn the harsh realities of life so soon.

Thank you to all of you whom have been my rock through everything we have been through as a family, know that you are appreciated!