My greatest accomplishment...week 11... A4A 52 weeks!

Some would say their children were their greatest accomplishment, some would say their career... I am choosing to talk about things that are tough. 

My marriage...

We live in a society where throwing things away is easy. Everything is disposable. Plates, cups, food, packaging, clothing, dishes... It is all disposable. Not many people fix things. Look at watches, when the battery dies, we often throw it in the drawer and either get a new watch or complain that we need to get a new battery (and don't know how to replace it). 

Things get hard, and we give up.

Well a few years ago, Steve and I were ready to throw our marriage away. I will not disclose the details, as that is between he and I, however the lesson from it is universal. 

It got hard...

We gave up...

We walked away...

But the problem is, we weren't ready to throw it away.

Steve and I are fixers. 

We didn't feel great being all in, but we also didn't feel great about being all out. 

So we stopped, and we fixed it.

 We communicated, we yelled,  and screamed, and cried, and in the end said "what are we doing?" And we started again. 

It would have been very easy to throw in the towel and walk away. Set up visitation and payments and start our separate lives. But, that isn't really what we wanted. 

When we got to the root of the problem, it was communication. We hd forgotten that a relationship cannot remain static. It needs forward motion, communication, and cooperation. 

We forgot that.

However as I sit here and look at where we are now, I know it is not because we are perfect or something. We worked, we fought, and we found each other. 

We fell back in love, learned to understand each other, and we don't question each other's anything anymore. If we get mad, we say it. 

If we are hurt, we say it.

If we are in love, we say it.

We fixed it. In a disposable world where quiting is easy, we fixed it. 

Is it perfect?

No.

Is it easy?

No.

But, is it worth it? 

Absolutely! 

I think that the best thing that we have accomplished is our marriage, together, and as a team, we fixed us. Not just for us... But also for them....

~~~~~

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Week 2 - Marriage

I write a lot here about the boys, but I don't think I often share about Stephen or myself. So here I go in response to the 52 week challenge as week 2 is "relationships" and I am choosing my marriage.

Steve and I started talking to each other in February of 1998. Our first official date was June 22, 1998, and it wasn't an ordinary date. We lost a mutual friend to tragedy, and had agreed to that night for a date before this tragedy. We went to her wake, and then headed to see a movie. At that wake, I fell for him. As I cried, he placed his arm around my shoulder and kissed my forehead gently. Apparently that was all it took! 

We were "boyfriend and girlfriend" for several years. It was never perfect, and at times it seemed as though it wouldn't work. We were at a place where faith was not a friend to either of us, and we spent our days picking each other apart instead of building each other up. And once again someone else's tragedy changed our course. Steve tells it that on September 11, 2001 he realized that life could end in a moment, and he didn't want to wait to ask me and possibly lose me. So on October 13, 2001 he proposed, at a lighthouse in Jamestown, Rhode Island where we often went to go hiking. 

A year later we were married on November 16, 2002. 

The rest as they say, is History. But I am not so sure you believe that is all there was. Steve and I have faced trials, health issues, family "drama", losing of jobs, loss of health care right before a child was born, and at times uncertainty if we were even willing to be a team anymore. 

All of this created something between us that for me, is wonderful. 

We discovered we spent more time talking at each other and not to each other. We had conversations, but we didn't listen. We were two parallel roads never intersecting. 

We learned in our darkest place that we loved each other, and needed each other.  Our children needed us to find a way to merge lanes and be on the same road. 

Ever since then we have found a way to communicate that is amazing. We talk, not about our day or any non sense. We talk about our family, where we are, where we want to be, what we need, what we want, and the we gameplan together to make it work. 

We aren't perfect. No couple is. We still need work. We have committed to each other, to our love, and we have discovered we can do many things when we work together and remember we don't do it for us, or even our boys, but to be beacons of Gods love in this world.

When I think of my husband, I think of the unconditional love he has for me, that I try every day to repay.