Sunday, March 29, 2015

Home...Week 12 a4a 52 week challenge

I have lived in many places, and all of them would be considered home.

I also have many places in my life that feel like home.

Our physical home is a quaint one.

 We have three bedrooms, one bathroom,a fireplace, a dining room, a yard, a porch, and a garage. It is large enough to host holidays like Thanksgiving and Easter, but small enough that I don't go crazy when we need to clean up. It is feeling awfully cramped lately as our children are growing, and we have been so beyond busy that my clothes sit in baskets next to my bed instead of being properly put away.  However, it is home.

I have learned how to cook here, watched two children take their first steps here, and become a teacher through a lot of hard work here.

there is one thing though. It is always changing. I am constantly rearranging our furniture, our rooms, even whose room is whose.  We cannot change our address, but we can change our space. I am feeling like a change is needed again, so we will be doing a deep de-clutter of our spaces. The boys clothes are becoming outgrown, the school work is piling up, and the de-clutter is necessary.

But the best thing happened this year. I was able to clean off my front porch, and make a space that I have always wanted. A place to rest, and read, or type, or draw. A place to relax at the end of a long day or to be alone in my thoughts. I think it needs a few more touches to be complete, however, I am really happy with how it looks, and how I feel when I come home. To open up the door and see my refuge right there is the best feeling ever.
In doing this, I discovered, that even though our house isn't perfect, nor is it perfectly clean, it is our home. It is where we come together.




all happen wherever you are!


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Sunday, March 22, 2015

My greatest accomplishment...week 11... A4A 52 weeks!

Some would say their children were their greatest accomplishment, some would say their career... I am choosing to talk about things that are tough. 

My marriage...

We live in a society where throwing things away is easy. Everything is disposable. Plates, cups, food, packaging, clothing, dishes... It is all disposable. Not many people fix things. Look at watches, when the battery dies, we often throw it in the drawer and either get a new watch or complain that we need to get a new battery (and don't know how to replace it). 

Things get hard, and we give up.

Well a few years ago, Steve and I were ready to throw our marriage away. I will not disclose the details, as that is between he and I, however the lesson from it is universal. 

It got hard...
We gave up...
We walked away...
But the problem is, we weren't ready to throw it away.

Steve and I are fixers. 

We didn't feel great being all in, but we also didn't feel great about being all out. 

So we stopped, and we fixed it.
 We communicated, we yelled,  and screamed, and cried, and in the end said "what are we doing?" And we started again. 

It would have been very easy to throw in the towel and walk away. Set up visitation and payments and start our separate lives. But, that isn't really what we wanted. 

When we got to the root of the problem, it was communication. We hd forgotten that a relationship cannot remain static. It needs forward motion, communication, and cooperation. 

We forgot that.
However as I sit here and look at where we are now, I know it is not because we are perfect or something. We worked, we fought, and we found each other. 

We fell back in love, learned to understand each other, and we don't question each other's anything anymore. If we get mad, we say it. 
If we are hurt, we say it.
If we are in love, we say it.

We fixed it. In a disposable world where quiting is easy, we fixed it. 

Is it perfect?
Is it easy?
But, is it worth it? 
I think that the best thing that we have accomplished is our marriage, together, and as a team, we fixed us. Not just for us... But also for them....

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Friday, March 13, 2015

On a much lighter note... Week 10 - my favorite jewelry...

From the time I was born, jewelry was a part of my life. My mother and father both worked at jewelry stores when they met, and well, both made sure that I was aware of the value of a jewel. I have several pieces that I love, and several that mean so much to me. For me each piece of jewelry I own is a connection to the person and moment I received it. As a mom to all boys, I realize that there is no one to pass my jewelry on to that will appreciate that sentiment. So for now I love it, recognizing it is only a thing, and not an actual part of me. 

I have a few pieces I will talk about... 
There is a box of jewels my husband gave me. He knows how much I love them, and he picked out this beautiful box for these treasures. It isn't large, but it holds a lot. Probably one of the two things I would grab in a fire! 

The problem is I am so afraid of losing these jewels that I hardly wear them! My wedding bands and my mothers necklace are most often what I wear. I find it hard to wear jewelry when playing with kids and being a mom to three absolutely energetic boys. So I don't wear it often! 
These two are special. The boys birthstones, and a silhouette with my birthdate which belonged to my grandmother. This one was lost for ten years! I was cleaning out an old purse before donating it and found this in the pocket, the lining of the pocket! I am so glad I found it because I have very little from my grandmother. 

My mothers necklace is probably the most precious. Each stone represents a part of me that walks around outside of my body! 

Caleb is the sapphire, and he fits that stone quite well, he is bold, and strong and stands out in a crowd!

Logan is the diamond, and that fits him as well. He is strong, but clear, and you can see through his emotions to his heart.

Aaron is citrine, and that fits him as well. He is a light and a ray of sunshine to all around him! 

So my mothers necklace is probably the one I hold most dear. It represent a these beautiful humans I love so much! 

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Saturday, March 7, 2015

Week 9 - My past...a difficult topic... A4A52week

This week the prompt is one that is hard. My past.
When you talk about your past, you bring to light things you want to forget or things you want to remember. 
For me, I enjoy leaving the past where it belongs, in the past, and moving forward. 
If I remember my past, I remember my failed relationships, mistakes I made, lies I told, and even hearts I hurt. I am a person who wants to help others, and to think about the past, I often reflect on the times I failed. 

I reflect on these because I want to do better. Make a better choice, choose a better word, be a better friend. I very often find myself failing to do better. 

I am filled with a sadness about much of my past because of the what ifs.
I have missed out on a lot because of the what ifs.
 I also recognize that the reason I am where I am today is because of the past. 

The relationships I have with my family are because of moments we shared. The friendships I have are because of choices I made. The mom I am is because of lessons I learned along the way. 

The things I have learned about myself are because of my past. My prayer is that  the good will define the future. Not the bad. 
I am a person who needs to learn to focus on the sun, not the rain. The laughter, not the tears. Life, not the past. 

Looking forward, tethered to the past, remembering to be careful of my footing, is how I will view my past. It is the building blocks of my present, and the foundation of my future, however, I refuse to dig it up. 


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