My greatest accomplishment...week 11... A4A 52 weeks!

Some would say their children were their greatest accomplishment, some would say their career... I am choosing to talk about things that are tough. 

My marriage...

We live in a society where throwing things away is easy. Everything is disposable. Plates, cups, food, packaging, clothing, dishes... It is all disposable. Not many people fix things. Look at watches, when the battery dies, we often throw it in the drawer and either get a new watch or complain that we need to get a new battery (and don't know how to replace it). 

Things get hard, and we give up.

Well a few years ago, Steve and I were ready to throw our marriage away. I will not disclose the details, as that is between he and I, however the lesson from it is universal. 

It got hard...

We gave up...

We walked away...

But the problem is, we weren't ready to throw it away.

Steve and I are fixers. 

We didn't feel great being all in, but we also didn't feel great about being all out. 

So we stopped, and we fixed it.

 We communicated, we yelled,  and screamed, and cried, and in the end said "what are we doing?" And we started again. 

It would have been very easy to throw in the towel and walk away. Set up visitation and payments and start our separate lives. But, that isn't really what we wanted. 

When we got to the root of the problem, it was communication. We hd forgotten that a relationship cannot remain static. It needs forward motion, communication, and cooperation. 

We forgot that.

However as I sit here and look at where we are now, I know it is not because we are perfect or something. We worked, we fought, and we found each other. 

We fell back in love, learned to understand each other, and we don't question each other's anything anymore. If we get mad, we say it. 

If we are hurt, we say it.

If we are in love, we say it.

We fixed it. In a disposable world where quiting is easy, we fixed it. 

Is it perfect?

No.

Is it easy?

No.

But, is it worth it? 

Absolutely! 

I think that the best thing that we have accomplished is our marriage, together, and as a team, we fixed us. Not just for us... But also for them....

~~~~~

Join the weekly writing, and check out what Chelley has going on at www.aisforadelaide.com

Week 8- A Friend I...

So this week I write about a friend.

I have a few friends I could have written about, but I want to write about a friend I miss. A friend who has known me since my boys were young, even before one was born. She has been there for a lot. She probably knows all of my secrets, even the ones you never want anyone to know. I trust her to guard them, and I know she trusts me as well.

This woman took me in when I needed to be protected ( not physically but emotionally) and she has helped me through so much!  I am talking about Amy.

Always has a smile!

She was my boss when I worked for Lifetouch in Target. In all honesty, we just clicked. 

She understood me, and I understood her. She made something that had been a hobby for me to become a passion. she inspired me to be more than just a photographer. she inspired me to believe in myself. without her, I never would have believed I could do this: 

Or even have a day where I said this:

She is the type of friend where I can not see her for months and when we get back together it is like we were never apart. Together, we have photographed babies, weddings, and fathers & mothers going off to war who wanted one last memories with and for their children (just in case). We have taken first photos, and last family photos. We have created birth announcements, Christmas cards, Chanukah cards, and even valentines day and Easter cards.   We have helped families with children with disabilities get the photos they never thought they could of their children. we have pulled our hair out trying to get that one perfect photo for that one mom (and often, I am that one mom).  I feel like what we do together is so important because of that. 

From our digital conversion.

I am no longer working at the studio with her, but I am still friends with her. Yay! 

Crazy pictures we took so many years ago!

We text and talk. We message. We listen. We forgive. And she is the only person to ever dress my boys in dresses!

This is Logan at about 2 in one of Amy's daughters nightgowns!

Ok well, a nightgown, and hair and makeup. but she loves these boys like they were hers. and she has fun with them like they were hers!

We go out for walks, and go to trampoline parks, and just plain have a blast together, but we also can be really serious together as well.

This picture is the result of the first time we met. I wanted to do Photos for Steve for Father's day, and I stopped by the studio. Amy was working. I was in my maternity yoga pants that I wore all the time, and a tank top. The boys were in mismatched shades of green. She said, "OK, do you want to schedule an appointment so you could plan their outfits?" I said, "no, these look OK, we can just take pictures like this." She and I still laugh about that moment. She brought my boys in the studio, pulled their shirts off, and did some shirtless brother photos, so cute by the way.

 Then, she had me stand there, and she rolled my pant legs up. The next thing I knew I was "in" the pictures, and before I knew it, I was IN the pictures:

By the time I left the studio, I had amazing pictures, and a part time job, and little did I know it, But I also had a friendship. 

The next session was much better...

This picture of these boys is still my favorite to this date, and I cannot believe that I only have it in hard form, and a thumbnail digital copy.

 I even felt better about being in these pictures.

That is what Amy's friendship has done for me.
It has helped me to be a better me. She has helped me discover things about myself I would have never believed. I am so grateful for her support, her love, and her willingness to drive from the southernmost part of RI to Cranston to watch me sing in a concert,

 or to meet me in East Providence to go to a trampoline park,

or to meet me at Edaville Railroad on a rainy winter night,

 just so we can spend time together. She is always there. Even when we have had our issues, we have always found our way through them, and I am so grateful for that!

We may not be a team at the studio anymore, but I will never forget the lesson I learned there! I will also always be thankful for the friendship!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stop by www.aisforadelaide.com and see more posts about friendships! Or join in the challenge! 

Week 6 - a family member who... #a4a52weekchallenge

It is really hard to pick a family member to write about. 

I talked about my parents last week, and they each get their own spotlight down the road. 

My sister was born second in line. She was full of drama from the beginning, and it is part of what makes her who she is! 

On Easter morning of the year my sister was born, I was excited to meet my baby sister, and angry that my sister was my present from the Easter Bunny. Little did I know how things were going to turn out. 

I arrived at the hospital to meet my baby sister. She wasn't in her room. The start of her life was crazy, but thankfully a diligent, observant nurse saved her life. 

As Megan got older, she was almost never sick, but when she was it was bad. Megan never does anything small...it is always go big or go home. This dynamic was hard for me as her older sister. It isn't easy to be the jealous older sister. Megan was tall, skinny (still is) and had all of the friends. Even people my age were friends with Megan. This was a tough for me to get through. I started to resent her, but that has since past. 

I had to realize that my reactions to my sisters life were not because of her. They were MY reactions, not hers. 

As we have aged together, I find that I am able to see her as a unique individual whom I am not in a competition with. We are different, and that is the way it is supposed to be! 

Now, I am certainly not saying we see eye to eye now. She will be the first one to tell you and there are probably not two more different people than she and I in our beliefs, but we are sisters, and we have learned mutual respect for each other. 

We have learned to let each other be ourselves, and to unite in our similarities. She is a beautiful mother to my nieces, and an exuberant auntie to my boys.

 I love her, and I am so glad we can have moments like these to remember!

And also these:

I love her, and I am grateful we have found peace. 

~~~~

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And join in on the 52 week challenge! It is never too late!